I included the picture of myself shooting because over the last month this is mostly how I have felt, like killing somebody. Maybe everybody if they don't stay out of my way. I don't know if it was the onslaught of Memorial Day or the fact that reality is FINALLY starting to sink in. It could be that all of Cory's comrades that he served with are starting to come home. But ultimately, here's the deal. I miss my husband.......bad.
But that is not the subject of this post, only the precursor to it. I have been in a trance for the last 10 months. I was being someone else, not myself. I used to love people and thrived off of my friends. Nothing gave me more happiness than getting to know people and trying to serve them. I have been so self-absorbed that I forgot that, and it turned into a cyclical downward spiral. I was hourding all of my energy, afraid that I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I spent it on anyone else. But, how could I feel better if I wasn't doing the things I loved the most? So, It was high time I had a wakeup call. That wakeup call came in the form of girl's camp.
I have always adored working with teenagers. If I can dare say so, I feel like it is kind of my calling in life. I chose to teach middle school for this reason, and I have had the chance to serve in the Young Women's program in my last 2 wards. Someday they will catch onto the fact that I am no more mature than a 14 year old and they will stop having me be responsible for them.
I had the distinct privilege this year to be in charge of the YCLs (Youth Camp Leaders). These are the girls age 16ish-18ish. It was a TON of work, but the girls were superhuman and I couldn't have asked for anything more.
So, what the heck does this have to do with anything?! Well, I had a Nephi moment at camp. "Awake, my soul"! There is this Einstein quote that I have always loved, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". Whatever I had been doing over the past year was NOT making me happy, but I was holding onto my method for dear life. In the words of the genius Garth Brooks, I was "standing outside the fire", spiritually, socially, and in every other way possible. Christ was right when He said that "whosever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it". I found my life again. I found what makes me happy, and that is my relationships with others. I am excited to get back to the "old" me. I have so much good around me and it is time to dive in. Wahooooooo!