Saturday, June 5, 2010

Life's Lessons

Excuse me as I turn this post into a little bit of mental upchuck. I just have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I need to start keeping a "real" journal so that I don't have to put anybody who reads this through the psychotic rollercoaster that is my thought process.

I included the picture of myself shooting because over the last month this is mostly how I have felt, like killing somebody. Maybe everybody if they don't stay out of my way. I don't know if it was the onslaught of Memorial Day or the fact that reality is FINALLY starting to sink in. It could be that all of Cory's comrades that he served with are starting to come home. But ultimately, here's the deal. I miss my husband.......bad.


But that is not the subject of this post, only the precursor to it. I have been in a trance for the last 10 months. I was being someone else, not myself. I used to love people and thrived off of my friends. Nothing gave me more happiness than getting to know people and trying to serve them. I have been so self-absorbed that I forgot that, and it turned into a cyclical downward spiral. I was hourding all of my energy, afraid that I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I spent it on anyone else. But, how could I feel better if I wasn't doing the things I loved the most? So, It was high time I had a wakeup call. That wakeup call came in the form of girl's camp.

I have always adored working with teenagers. If I can dare say so, I feel like it is kind of my calling in life. I chose to teach middle school for this reason, and I have had the chance to serve in the Young Women's program in my last 2 wards. Someday they will catch onto the fact that I am no more mature than a 14 year old and they will stop having me be responsible for them.


I had the distinct privilege this year to be in charge of the YCLs (Youth Camp Leaders). These are the girls age 16ish-18ish. It was a TON of work, but the girls were superhuman and I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Dani, Caryn, Alyssa, Anamaria, Alyssa, Lacey, and Me!
So, what the heck does this have to do with anything?! Well, I had a Nephi moment at camp. "Awake, my soul"! There is this Einstein quote that I have always loved, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". Whatever I had been doing over the past year was NOT making me happy, but I was holding onto my method for dear life. In the words of the genius Garth Brooks, I was "standing outside the fire", spiritually, socially, and in every other way possible. Christ was right when He said that "whosever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it". I found my life again. I found what makes me happy, and that is my relationships with others. I am excited to get back to the "old" me. I have so much good around me and it is time to dive in. Wahooooooo!


8 comments:

Adele said...

I love this post. And I think you are amazing! Miss you girl.

The Stanford Bunch said...

awesome!! seriously! I have been in a rut for the last year and I have no excuse like you do! I guess I need to go to girls camp! :) love ya Brooke, and think of you often!

Sarah said...

Your AMAZING,I've learned a lot from you this past year.We should get together sometime.

Bud & Kim said...

Thank you for this post. I am so grateful for your strength and friendship. I'm sure you don't feel strong but know that you are an example to so many. I love those "ah ha" moments in life. They change perspective, focus and outlook and often set you on a new course in life. I am grateful for you and I love you.

Matt and Staci said...

Anyone that can use the words "mental upchuck" in a blog post & still make me smile at the end, deserves an award. A. big. fat. award. :) Glad you are discovering what you need to be happy!

PS. Its ok to have been in a trance for the past 10 months. You have been incredibly strong & a great example to others through what I think is an unimaginably hard trial.

ALSO...the YW in our ward are SO lucky to have you as a leader!

Allison said...

All I have to say is that I am jealous of your girls. If I had a leader as cool as you when I was a YCL (it was called something different in Cali), it would have been awesome! That would have been a week of awesome fun... well, more fun than what I had. :) Love ya! Someday I might actually be social and call you to hang out.

Landon and Jill Beyler said...

I love this- and I love you. You go get'em girl! You are made for this...

Crystal said...

I think we all get lightbulb moments sometimes of things that can change to be happier. I think you have been doing so well at being aware of those moments. It does take time, but the Lord certainly lets us know (or reminds us of) things about ourselves when we are ready.