Poor Unfortunate Soul

Being that this is the year of my 10 year high school reunion, I have been reflecting a lot back on who I was at that time. I have been wanting to do a blog post for awhile that captured the essence of Brooke in high school, but last night clinched it. I was having a conversation with four 15 year olds about....well, I don't really remember about what. Anyway, I made the comment that I was a tragic nerd in high school. THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! I insisted and then one said (you know who you are) "Well, when did you all of a sudden just become really cool?" I looked around to see who the conversation was being directed at. Oh......me. Well, the truth cannot be hidden anymore. I was a Poor Unfortunate Soul in high school, and I am not talking about the Disney movie where a voluptuous octupus shakes her shimmy in a way that is scandalously marketed to 4 year olds. I was the epitome of a nerd cake, and I am about to prove it to you. And just so you know, this is nothing like the clip I saw of Jennifer Aniston where she swears she was a nerd in highscool. I think she may have been referring to that one day she got a pimple.....

• I was Captain of the Badminton team. Yes, badminton.
• I had a uniform that I wore almost everyday to school. It went something like this: run the brush through your hair, put on your oversized polo or t-shirt, slide on your baggy jeans or khakis, and slip into your canvas, boy-like shoes. Done. Once or twice I wore something that my mom convinced me was "feminine". All day long I was sure that boys were looking at me inappropriately, so I went back to the uniform.
• I earned the "Outstanding Orchestra Member" award. You know that whatever I had to do to earn that can not be good.
• I think the grand total on my friend count was 6.
• I am recalling an experience that scared me away from makeup until I was 18 years old. I decided one day in 8th grade that I was going to wear some makeup. This was not a regular occurence for me, though I owned all of the neccesary equipment. I think my mother had purchased it for me, hoping I would somehow overcome my ugly duckling status. I did my best and then went about my day, including Mr. Granio's Honors Earth Science class. The next morning, when I went to put on my makeup, my mom said "Oh, sweetheart. Can I help you?" I went back to science and as Mr. Granio was passing out papers, he stops at my desk, analyzes my face for a second, and says "Much Better".
• I loved grownups way more than I loved people my own age. I was on a quest to make them all like me and be my friend. I think I did a pretty good job, because every adult I ever came in contact with was convinced that I was a saint.
• I was nominated as "Math's Student of the Month". Once again, whatever that required surely put me on the nerd list.
• I never went to any "boy ask girl" dances. I suppose I could have paid someone to take me....
• Oh yeah! I forgot! I liked two boys my senior year. Now both of those boys also like boys. It's probably safe to say that those relationships were dead in the water before they even started.

I am having nightmares just reliving some of these experiences, so I will stop here. I am sure the pictures will fill in the details.

This was my 16 birthday. Hmmmmm, Looney Toones and a walkman.
PROOF!

This is a good example if the uniform.

The day I got my driver's permit. What I remember from that day was I was 5'5'', 105 pounds, and I thought I was fat. Oh, and somehow I convinced them to let me play softball at Highland, which was kind of a cool sport.

Practicing away

I think the point of focus in this picture is that I am 16 years old and wearing one piece pajamas and holding a stuffed animal. If I remember correctly, this was supposed to be a blackmail picture.

I gave this picture of me sitting barefoot on a dirty bench outside of target to the boy I somehow convinced to go out with me because I thought it was cute. Baggy polo, baggy jeans.

You see that green and purple huge tie dyed t-shirt. Yea. I wore that way more than I would like to admit.

Grrrrrrr. First day of 11th grade.

I thought my boom box was suh-weet. Funny thing is I couldn't have told you a top 40 song to save my life, but I could have written a 10 page paper on Buddy Holly.

This is a good capture of me and my friends. I think there is only 2 of them missing. Also, I do not possess the ability to be serious in pictures.

Morp, Junior year

I really don't know what is going on this picture, but someone should really rescue that tree.

Senior picure, 17 years old. I think this was the high point of my highschool looks, and I can't take any credit for it. We just came from the salon where someone cut and styled my hair and my mom did my makeup.

Praise be, it's over!

In retrospect there was no one day when "all of a sudden I became really cool". I don't think that's ever going to happen. Some people were just never meant to be cool :) But I did gain confidence somewhere along the way. This came in two waves. First, about the time I turned 18 I discovered that it was okay to be a girl. I could pluck my eyebrows, wear makeup every day, wear clothes that showed off my figure, heck, shower everyday! Second of all, I had a profound life changing experience when I was 21 that taught me that we are all worth so much in God's eyes. So, I started trying to get to know people just for the sake of getting to know them, and no one intimidated me anymore. This has made all the difference. I think I am ALMOST as cool as Jennifer Aniston now......

A few of my favorite things

I am in a good mood, so I thought I would make a list of the things that put me that way. I believe we are put on this earth to have joy. So, here is my joy!

1. pulling Reagan into bed with me to drink her morning bottle. She is just so.....squishy!
2. decluttering
3. A good book that I just want to feast on till 2 am and cry because I have finished it
4. A clean house
5. A recurring daydream that goes a little something like this:
knock, knock
Me: Yes? Can I help you?
The guy in the uniform: Are you Mrs. Jenkins?
Me:Yes I am
guy: Mrs. Jenkins, this is extremely embarrassing, but the Secretary of the Army has requested that I inform you that your husband has not, in fact, been blown up. He has been conducting a secret mission in Afghanistan that has secured the safety of our nation. And, since we sent you ALL of his clothes, he has been doing it naked.
Me: Sweet. Atleast he won't have any tan lines. Tell him dinner is at 6.
6. A good cry. You know, the kind with lots of snot.
7. My calling in Young Womens
8. Teaching in any way, shape, or form
9. Someone who understands and empathizes with me completely
10. IMing with realling interesting people
11. Intellectually stimulating conversations
12. Hearing stories or seeing pictures of my husband that I have never seen/heard before
13. Pinning people down and making them listen to MY stories about Cory.
14. Really wet and openmouthed kisses.....from Reagan. Geez! Get your mind out of the gutter.
15.Music that takes me somewhere else
16.Salt: french fries, chips and salsa, crackers, etc.
17. Facebook-I know. This is embarassing that this is even on here. But with HOURS of dispensible time every day, it has been good to me.
18. The Biggest Loser
19. Best friends
20. Learning instruments
21. Going to lunch with somebody, not because I am hungry, but because I like their company.
22. Watching my baby grow
23. Trying new things. Veganism, anyone?
24. Feeling like I have made my husband proud
25. Traveling. There is so much out there to see and so little time!
26. Random signs from the universe that Cory just might be watching me and cheering me on
27. Prayer
28. Watching the numbers on the scale be just a LEETLE bit lower than the week before. My goal is to have this baby weight off by the time Reagan starts school.
29.Staring into space in a trance like daydream
30. thrill seeking: surfing, bungee jumping, skydiving, etc.
31. Finding money on the sidewalk
32.my family
33. Studying History. Those old guys are just so fascinating. And Hott!

Alright. This list is not comprehensive, but it is a good cross section. I am grateful for my life, even if its the kind of life that no one else would trade with me for a billion bucks. I guess thats the beauty of THE PLAN.

Life's Lessons

Excuse me as I turn this post into a little bit of mental upchuck. I just have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I need to start keeping a "real" journal so that I don't have to put anybody who reads this through the psychotic rollercoaster that is my thought process.

I included the picture of myself shooting because over the last month this is mostly how I have felt, like killing somebody. Maybe everybody if they don't stay out of my way. I don't know if it was the onslaught of Memorial Day or the fact that reality is FINALLY starting to sink in. It could be that all of Cory's comrades that he served with are starting to come home. But ultimately, here's the deal. I miss my husband.......bad.


But that is not the subject of this post, only the precursor to it. I have been in a trance for the last 10 months. I was being someone else, not myself. I used to love people and thrived off of my friends. Nothing gave me more happiness than getting to know people and trying to serve them. I have been so self-absorbed that I forgot that, and it turned into a cyclical downward spiral. I was hourding all of my energy, afraid that I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I spent it on anyone else. But, how could I feel better if I wasn't doing the things I loved the most? So, It was high time I had a wakeup call. That wakeup call came in the form of girl's camp.

I have always adored working with teenagers. If I can dare say so, I feel like it is kind of my calling in life. I chose to teach middle school for this reason, and I have had the chance to serve in the Young Women's program in my last 2 wards. Someday they will catch onto the fact that I am no more mature than a 14 year old and they will stop having me be responsible for them.


I had the distinct privilege this year to be in charge of the YCLs (Youth Camp Leaders). These are the girls age 16ish-18ish. It was a TON of work, but the girls were superhuman and I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Dani, Caryn, Alyssa, Anamaria, Alyssa, Lacey, and Me!

So, what the heck does this have to do with anything?! Well, I had a Nephi moment at camp. "Awake, my soul"! There is this Einstein quote that I have always loved, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". Whatever I had been doing over the past year was NOT making me happy, but I was holding onto my method for dear life. In the words of the genius Garth Brooks, I was "standing outside the fire", spiritually, socially, and in every other way possible. Christ was right when He said that "whosever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it". I found my life again. I found what makes me happy, and that is my relationships with others. I am excited to get back to the "old" me. I have so much good around me and it is time to dive in. Wahooooooo!

I needed a change....

I am trying to stick to my resolution to blog more often. As a result, you will be hearing about the very mundane details of my life until I can come up with something funnier and more "light your pants on fire" to blog about.

First item of business: I needed a change. BAD. I was sick of looking at the same thing over and over every day in the mirror. So I mixed it up a little bit. Nothing too drastic, just enough to keep the masses entertained. I finally cut my hair a bit. I am ashamed to admit that it had been since just before Reagan was born. I got a little distracted right after that time. And secondly, I did something I have never done but have always wanted to do. I got my hair colored professionally. I just went a few shades darker and its only semi-permanent so I can wait and decide if I want to sign on the dotted line for this color. I must have taken a dozen pictures of it, trying to capture the look just right. It took me awhile to realize the problem was less with the hair and more with my face. I look pathetic! Please tell me, do I look this way all the time?






Second item of business. I am still going strong with the Vegetarianism for the month of May. The hardest thing for me to stay away from is cheese. I actually stink at staying away from cheese. I rationalize by saying that it is to keep the family together. I am pretty sure if my husband found out I had cut out cheese, he would leave me. Eggs and milk have been much easier, with only a couple of instances since the month started. Meat has been the easiest. I gave in and ate meat on Mother's Day. Come On! It was MY day and she made BBQ chicken! I am only human. I got bored pretty quickly of nuts, black beans, and tofu shakes. I had to come up some more variety. One of my faves so far has been tofu and lentil tacos. I swear on my grave that they were delicious. I didnt even miss the meat. Here is a picture of the finished taco and what the filling looked like when it was done.

Recipe (I am choosing to believe that some people will actually want this):

1/4 cup green lentils

1/4 cup onions, chopped

1/2 cup water

Add these all to a saucepan, bring to a boil and then reduce heat. Simmer for 20+ min. or until lentils are soft.

Add:

1, 8 oz. can of tomato sauce

1 taco seasoning packet

Bring back to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer uncovered for 5 min.

Add:

8 oz. of firm or extra firm tofu, finely chopped

Warm all the way through then spoon into taco shells and top with cheese, tomato, lettuce, and salsa. Yummy!

The Good Ol' Days

I was surfing this morning, and I came across some vintage advertisements that FASCINATED me. I know that sometimes we yearn for "the good old days", but let's take a little moment and say a prayer of thanks that somethings have changed.....

WHY am I dieting, again? Apparently I can just swallow some tapeworms and, POOF! (My favorite part is the "no ill effects").

Does anybody else relate personally to this ad? My husband is always spanking me we I bring home bad coffee.


Ummmm, I am sensing some pedophilia charges here in just a little bit.

I don't know what they are advertising, but call the exorcist, because that girl obviously has a problem.

This one gave me nightmares. Really.

As a woman, I am choosing to take just a little offense to this.

Her Papa is an idiot.

Okay, maybe I do miss the good ol' days just a little bit. Nothing like Heroin on the drugstore shelf.

Buy our thermos or your baby will DIE! I believe they exaggerated just a titch for effect.

This one is mildly offensive in mixed company, I suppose. "Your married happiness depends on the real you...confident you, never doubting your intimate feminine hygiene. Don't risk becoming another you". Got it. Douching=Lasting marriage.


This cow has a nickname....Benedict Arnold.



Ever wonder the connection between decaf and child abuse?



Why don't you just come right out and say it?


The other day Reagan was saying the same thing. "Please smoke, Mommy. I don't want you to be mad at me".



This toy was only on the market for a year. Then it was pulled for exposing children to the same toxins linked to Gulf War syndrome, cancer, leukemia, and lymphoma. Seriously.


If your mom lets you get a sunburn like that, you might want to get the phone number to CPS along with that Noxzema.



You too can have a perve with a telescope looking into your home if you buy our bra.

Here's to Trying New Things

Alright, I hate to admit this to the entire world, but my life is just a titch boring sometimes. I know, I know. You are all thinking "How could that be possible seeing as you are a suburban stay at home mom of one with an invisible husband?" Well, believe it folks. That's why sometimes I have to create adventures for myself.

My most recent adventure starts today. I have dubbed May "Vegetarian Month". To be completely forthcoming, it was going to be "Vegan Month", but after extensive research, I don't think I have the guts for that. So instead, I am going to be a stricter vegetarian with only limited amounts of dairy and eggs. It was also originally only going to be a week, but I decided I needed more time to get over the withdrawal of all things meaty (read:tasty).

Some people may ask where this retarded idea came from. If you know me, you know that I LOVE food, and I can pack away more food faster than most competitive food eating contest contestants. I seriously just need something interesting to focus on. Also, ever since I had Reagan, I have been researching a little more about the food we put into our bodies. I want to set her up for success as best as I possibly can. I recently switched to organic animal products and by-products, but I wonder if that is still not enough. I have been trying unsuccessfully to lose the last handful of pounds from my pregnancy. Who would have thought that training for a marathon wouldn't be enough. I want to throw my body for a loop and see if that is what it takes to get it out of this rut.

I will report from time to time how my journey is going for the benefit of the millions that read this blog. I will do an AAR (after action review) at the end of the month and then I will either make it permanent or you will find me at IN-N-OUT with a huge burger in hand (which is where I was last night :)

All the food in my house with animal products in it. I was going to throw it away, and then I felt guilty.

Start for me, finish for Cory.

Dear Cory Baby-
You have loved to run for a long time. It is how you clear your head and stay sane. When you are running, you can conquer the world. Also, you are just darn good at it. Remember when we ran the Tacoma City Half Marathon together? You didn't train one single minute and you came in 5th place in your age division. You were built to run: skinny as a rail with LONG legs.

I was not born such an amazing runner. I haven't been doing it for long, and I don't really like it. When I run, all I can think is "I can't breathe. How much longer till this is over?" Remember when we ran the Tacoma City Half Marathon together? I trained for months and came in 58th in my age division......

Babe, I know you wanted to run a marathon in 2010. I am running one in just over a day from now. So, make sure you run with me or this will all be for naught. I am nervous and know it is going to hurt. I guess you don't have to run the WHOLE thing with me, just push me from behind when it hurts the most. You know, like you used to do for Dusty on the way to school.

Here's to accomplishing our goals!

Alright. I am back, and I am ready to commit to posting regularly. Or, maybe, it's 12:30 am and I can't sleep AGAIN and my resolve will wear off in 4 days. I guess it's always just a crapshoot with me.

I thought I would post some random things that have made me happy lately. As you will quickly notice, it will be mostly pictures of my small child. She's my life. So sue me.

Reagan Abby

I hate when I get stuck in chair prison....with my sun glasses on.

Its a recurring theme. She has been in and out of prison a few times already. I don't think this bodes well for our future.

Learning to eat with a spoon....Easter. This picture makes me really happy.

Her laugh is just so dang funny

Endangering My Life

Torturing Myself

The Nashville Country Music Marathon is in 5 days. Ready or not, here I run. I would never do this on my own volition. Cory always wanted to run a marathon. He had a goal to run one in 2010 when he returned from deployment. So, here I find myself in quite an uncomfortable position. Oh well, it's almost over. Now that I think about it, he also had a goal to get me pregnant in 2010. You don't see me trying to fulfill THAT goal!

Chillin' With Friends

What's Good

This is my current favorite picture. It represents what is good in my life right now. When everything else seems to be falling all around me, my day begins and ends with this.

Some Days You've Got It, Some Days You Don't

Sometimes I feel as if Reagan's growing skills are a metaphor for my life right now. She has been learning some killer tricks with her body lately. There is nothing more entertaining to me than watching her play on the floor. But, sometimes she has an easier time than others.

This is her at her best. She is strong, ready to rock, and she can take on anything the world throws at her.

Other days are not so awesome. She tries really hard and gets through the day, but she never quite takes off.

Why did I get out of bed this morning?